first blog entry over on the new site! i felt it was only fitting i finally sat down and wrote one of these things again, given i decided to finish the blog page today.
it has been. a while, to say the least. about 5 months since i've updated confettiguts.gay (the site i'm moving from), and a year and a half since i wrote a blog entry in general. Yeeesh!!! holy hell man... honestly, there's no way i could accurately recount to you everything that's happened to me in that period of time... but, i can certainly try. at the very least, hopefully I can provide some background into Why i've been so absent.
first of all, my health hit what was pretty much an all time low this year. my fibromyalgia flareups have worsened, the pain my kidneys were causing me hit an all time high, and i developed a mysterious throat complication that i'm still not sure the source of. i went into surgery in july of this year and have since recovered pretty nicely... but i've got another procedure coming up november 20th. there's a sort of congenital 'kink' in the tube that leads from my right kidney to my bladder that was essentially causing the piss equivlent of acid reflux to occur. a disgusting visual, unfortunately. stones formed, i got those removed. the upcoming procedure is to hopefully correct that kink for good and prevent any future problems. yay? nay. i hated recovery with my whole soul, and the process is even longer for the next procedure. but i guess it's good it's gonna finally be fixed.
i don't have much to say on the fibro front, and the same goes for my throat. my fibro's just getting more evil which isn't especially surprising, since that's what it's been doing for the past few years. i don't have any new information on my throat, haven't for a while. my doctors are focused on the kidney shit. it's not cancer, though! they tested for that a lot. asked me if i had random fevers, etc. describing the sensation of swallowing around some sort of lump typically set off a Lot of alarm bells in professionals.
anyways, enough on the health front. i deal with it enough in my day to day life. blah blah blah. my mind's blanking a little now, oops. i guess another big part of me not updating was just. social shit. that i'm not very interested in getting into, in all honesty. i cut someone out of my life, and they had a lot of... ground covered. the roots were DEEP. 'ingrained into my daily life for the past 5 or 6 years' kind of deep. i still firmly believe it was for the best, even all these months later. i know if their support couldn't reach where i was then, it definitely wouldn't extend to where i am now.
speaking on that front, actually. i made the explicit decision to not move any of my old blog entries over here. not because i dislike all of them or anything like that, but... i'm not sure. i think i'd just like a fresh start. i was a dumb, haughty teenager when i wrote all of that shit and while most of it is just silly to look back on... the exceptions do make me shrivel up inside, just a little. i don't need that kind of baggage over here LMFAOOOOO
i don't hate any of it enough to go over and get rid of my blog page on cfguts or anything, though. they're old enough now that i hope new visitors to the site will know i probably don't think in such a black and white way now. I Hope
onto less serious shit that's also partially responsible for my absence. well, maybe not less serious... less depressing? help. i don't know.
i've found myself with 2 new partners (who are also involved with eachother) and without another. sorry, i know i said less depressing. i won't get super into it. plurality, headmates, dormancy. if you know, you know. i guess. i sound dorkish. i'd like to write something about them eventually.
as for my two new partners, they are so so lovely. 'new' is technically a half lie, i will say that much. however, new in a relationship and experience context? ABSOLUTELY. once again, probably something i'll save for a future entry. orrr... a page rework. 2dlove. hint. wink. nudge
okay, things get kinda muddy here. it feels like i'm failing to acknowledge an elephant in the room. Address me. the elephant i'm referring to is just... my general lack of motivation to touch webdev stuff in general this past year or so. i know it's not uncommon, i know it's VERY common actually. i earnestly just never thought that sort of thing would happen to me. "i'll update the weekly shit every single friday until i DIE or something" said past hoonis, completely serious. Noo (clip).
first it was me forgetting, then it was me being like "ok i need time to prep for surgery". then, i recovered, and... never came back. WHOOPS. sorry. okay, another huge ass part of this is that i was planning this move for. A While. you can probably find exactly when i started talking about it if you scroll back on the cfguts neocities profile or whatever. and this had so many hiccups. first was me actually getting started and making something i liked. when i did that, i could crank out a homepage and like it... but then i'd hate it in a week and wanna start over. repeat process. that was until about august of this year when i first made the homepage we have today and actually really liked it. BUT.
then came another issue. the domain i'd bought and gotten hopelessly attached to was actually a handshake domain and i could not use it for the purposes i wanted. this TORE ME THE FUCK UP. i was so excited to have an online presence with that specific handle that nothing else seemed appealing at the time and i was so mad at myself that i couldn't look at the code i'd done for another month. i tried and tried and tried to think of something new that i liked as much as that and it just. didn't happen.
untiiiiil. drum roll. one day, i was looking at domains again. and i saw rest. and i was like... "hey... that's in my budget... and could apply pretty well, actually". so i went full kinnie and registered novalite.rest. and, finally, FINALLY, i was ready to code again. it felt like things had finally lined up just right and i could fucking DO THE THING AGAIN!!! THE SPARK WASN'T LOST!!!!
...and that brings us to now! i'm kicking ass. at least, much more ass than i'd expected. i wanted to get two pages done today, but i figured out the cool floaty animation i had going on in my head instead, and i think that counts for a half point. i'm shit at js, but i managed to frankenstein something together. pretty cool. i love learning new things ^_^
this was definitely more thorough than i was expecting. Wowza... well, i hope it suffices for now. i promise i'm workin'. it was one of my lovely partners' birthday today, so most of my time was spent with them. i've got an anniversary for a different partner in a... day, technically, since i'm writing this in the am. i really wanna kick things into gear tomorrow. 2 pages tomorrow (today). promise. or you can kill me, or something.
thanks for reading :) i need to go shower now. and say hi to my fiance, she's probably home from work
listening to: my diorama - stomach book