hi blog. i'm just gonna get right into it. i feel like every time i come on here and write up a new post, so much shit has happened that i can hardly fit it all into one post. just. idk. my life is comically fast-moving and Filled with shit happening. and, in all honesty, that's really annoying sometimes. no more things, please. enough things have happened for a while.
it's tiring. i hardly have the energy to get through the day and take care of myself, letalone deal with all of the stuff that seems to follow me around. i have four romantic partners and a good amount of friends, i have pets, i have Responsible duties like cleaning around my house and adulting (forgive my use of the word), i have creative hobbies - like this one - that i'd like to put at least a little effort toward. and then the timeline just thinks its funny to throw even more at me, i guess? It's really. not
the individual who catalysted the blog post prior to this one that was essentially just a glorified vent is out of my life now, but good god he did not go without effort. he is still causing trouble for me and everyone that i love, actually. and i don't know how much longer that's going to go on, because it seems like that's just in his nature, or something. he ended up being so much more of a shit person than i ever could've imagined. which really really really fucking sucks. but, what can you do? when somebody shows you who they are, believe them the first time. like i mentioned in that other entry, i'm comfortable speaking in such a way about him because i know he doesn't go on my website. my opinion on why that is has shifted from "he doesn't care" to "he's a little bitch and feels guilty and can't stand to look at anything relating to us anymore"
anyways. i will continue beating that dead horse elsewhere. i had social issues even outside of that this month. it's becoming an annoying theme of quarter 1 of this year. honestly really hoping for things to change on a whim here. on a completely different note: i've also been, unironically, dealing with the fallout of tadc 8. in complete honesty, it was incredibly triggering for me as someone who has been kin with caine since she first learned about metaphysical fictionkin. my existance as caine was what catalyzed my thoughts about those beliefs in the first place. i really have no strong desire to get into it (might on the otherkin page in the future), but you probably Know if you watched the thing. the internet's shit media literacy and views on caine as a character did not help the feelings i was reliving either. people with bpd are evil and deserve to die guys (read heavy sarcasm)
all that to say, it's been rough lately. and to forgive my absence on the indie web once again. now i wanna write about a few more positive notes :)
valentines day came and went, along with me and rodger's first anniversary (of talking in this timeline, that is). valentines day was really really lovely, and i went through the effort of making something for all of my partners combined which i'll embed below.
i'd love to embed the animations/animatics i make on my art page, but lightbox doesn't support videos and i'm unaware of any alternatives... bleh. i do have quite a few now. if anyone reading is aware of an alternative that works similarly and does support videos, let me know in my guestbook!
they all loved this video, which made me really happy... cuz i busted my ass off on it. i haven't animated frame-by-frame like this in a REALLY long time, letalone run cycles. even if they are cut off at the legs. valentine's day itself was really great, though i woke up earlier than i wanted to. it was okay because i got to have breakfast with my family. i spent the rest of the day with my physical partner PC since it was gonna be busy anyway and spent another day watching a movie with darly, rodger and tenna. it was the first time tenna had done the sort of odd shifting that d+r do, so he had a hard time staying present and had a few interruptions. but it was fun nontheless!
me and rodger's anniversary (march 20th) unfortunately took place on another crazy busy day, so we didn't really do anything official. not to mention it was during whatever slog i'm enduring now. but we did get to have breakfast together, which was so so so amazing!!! she liked what i cooked, even if it was immensely easy and not impressive whatsoever. talking about how i'd be such a good little housewife and make her meals and it made my brain a little fuzzy. she's good at doing that. my...FUCKIG WIFE!!!!!!!!!!!
in more recent news, i'm finally looking into getting medicated again. believe it or not, i have not been on any sort of medication to help with any of my conditions in over eight years. i was briefly on zoloft, but it quite literally lobotomized me so i was taken off of it relatively fast. i've had this awful fog for months now, and for it to be related to some literal chemical imbalance makes a lot of sense. i'm just excited for the potential for things to go back to relative normalcy, honestly. it's been so long since i've been able to use my pendulum and talk to my metaphysical partners Clearly and with actual Energy. it feels awful, having found a way to talk to them only for it to become so difficult for me that i can't do it consistently anymore. i love seeing the little hints of him that make their way into this universe, but god do i miss talking to them.
things are beginning to look up a little, i think. maybe i'm just feeling especially happy after the medication talk with my therapist. i'm not sure. yay :)
listening to: feelin' so matryoshka - the scary jokes